The Lord of Marriage and Family (Malachi 2:10-16)

Introduction

God isn’t concerned with just your itty-bitty heart. He’s also concerned with your family. God made the first marriage before sin entered the world (Gen 2:24). God commanded parents to have children in Genesis 1:28.

The Passage

“Do we not all have one father? Has not one God created us? Why do we deal treacherously each against his brother so as to profane the covenant of our fathers “Judah has dealt treacherously, and an abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem; for Judah has profaned the sanctuary of the Lord which He loves and has married the daughter of a foreign god. “As for the man who does this, may the Lord cut off from the tents of Jacob everyone who awakes and answers, or who presents an offering to the Lord of hosts.

“This is another thing you do: you cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and with groaning, because He no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. “Yet you say, ‘For what reason?’ Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth, against whom you have dealt treacherously, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. “But not one has done so who has a remnant of the Spirit. And what did that one do while he was seeking a godly offspring? Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. “For I hate divorce,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the Lord of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” Malachi 2:10–16

Explanation of the Passage

Malachi has been preaching to a careless, faithless Israel. The people are comfortable, complacent, and complaining. Each person is selfish and complains of his neighbor’s selfishness.  He’s spent from 1:6 to 2:9 preaching against the priests—the church—now he changes targets. Malachi’s tone changes when he addresses the family (v.10). One reason for all apostacy, unbelief, backsliding, and rampant sinning is the lack of faith in families. Look at verse 10. He begins with 3 questions: do we have one father? Did God create us? Why are you profaning the covenant of your fathers? Israel was to learn the answer to these questions from Deuteronomy 6 (the passage we read earlier). God commanded fathers to teach their children about God. One reason for the lack of faith in Israel was because fathers weren’t living faithfully and passing down the faith to their children.

Look at verses 11-12. Another way Israel profanes God’s sanctuary is by marrying pagans. We’re not given specifics on what exactly happened. But it seems like the Israelites divorced the wives of their youth (v. 14) in order to marry pagan women (v.11). They broke the covenant of marriage (v.14), therefore God no longer accepts their covenantal sacrifices (v.13). They can’t break the covenant of marriage and be blessed by the covenant of Abraham because the same Holy Spirit governs both (v.15). God made the family and the church to work together. But because men broke the relationships with their families and their God, they no longer have any godly children who will care for them in their old age (v.15).

Theology of Marriage and Family

Malachi mentions in verse 14 that the husband-wife relationship is a covenantal relationship. A covenant is a relationship that God rules over. It is similar to a contract but not the same. Bill and Sam men get into a contract for Bill to buy $10,000 worth of plastic spoons from Sam. A week after they sign the contract Bill’s loses all his money and Sam’s plastic spoon warehouse burns down. They both agree to shred the contract and walk away. Now, let’s consider Johnnie and Sally who get married. But after a year, each one decides they don’t really love the other person anymore. They have no children. They kept their money separate. They try to end the marriage like Sam and Bill ended their contract. But they can’t. Why? Because they forgot God. He makes marriage “marriage.” This is also why so-called “gay marriage” is not marriage at all—God didn’t sign off on it.  

Divorce for Covenant Faithlessness

God permits divorce under certain regulations (Deut 24:1-4). In Ezra 9-10, Ezra finds out that the Levites have married pagan women (Ezra 9:2) and encourages them to divorce their pagan wives (Ezra 10:19). Jesus permits divorce if a spouse commits adultery (Matt 5:32). And Paul said if a non-Christian spouse leaves, the Christian can remarry (1 Cor 7:10-16). In the OT, God gave Judah a certificate of divorce for her unfaithfulness to the covenant (Jer 3:8-10). Since King Solomon’s wives turned his heart from the Lord (1 Kings 11:4), I think we can say outside of not marrying the 700 wives in the first place, Solomon should have divorced them. So, scripture allows divorce when covenant faithfulness is on the line.

What does a Christian woman do when her husband gambles away everything leaving her and the kids homeless? Her husband vowed to protect her. He isn’t. What does a Christian man do when his wife prevents him from discipling his children? He wants to raise his children Christianly. She vowed to submit to that at their wedding. Now, she’s doing everything in her power to make her children not be Christian. Now, this man has to choose between raising his children Christianly and staying in a marriage with a woman who has broken her vows. God permits divorce for scenarios like these. Not for the selfish reasons given today. God hates when His provisions are used as presumptions. When Christians get divorced, someone sinned. It may be the husband. It may be the wife. It may be both of them. It’s the job of pastors to do the hard work and pastor in the midst of things like this. Too many churches don’t want to get their hands dirty to preserve the blessing of marriage.   

Our Present-day Profanity

We are just like Israel. God made faith and family to work together. But we’ve found a number of ways of separating them.

We don’t believe in “Christian” marriage. Secular marriage prioritizes selfishness. “You marry to make your life better.” Many young Christians get into marriage thinking they will have a Christian marriage, but just coast with the secular world. They begin looking critically at their spouse. “He doesn’t love me like he used to.” “She annoys me.” But a Christian marriage first looks to serve in a particular office. A Christian man should enter the office of husband in order to protect, provide, and pioneer a Christian family. A Christian woman should enter the office of wife to help, glorify, and nurture a husband and children.

We don’t believe Christians should marry. There is no gift of singleness. It’s not biblical at all. There is a gift of celibacy—those who don’t have the biological desire for sex and family. God has given some this gift so they can focus on ministry. But singleness is when people who should get married don’t get married. I anticipate in the next 20 years a number of Christians who bought the lie that singleness is a gift, only to realize in their 50s they don’t have that gift and they don’t have a family. Christians need to encourage marriage again.

We don’t believe Christians should marry other Christians. Enough said.

We don’t believe the church should oversee the marriage of its members. The church doesn’t have the authority to tell people whom to marry. The church does have the authority to say yes and no on a number of issues like: non-Christians asking to get married in our church, a poor Christian couple asking for help, and gay ceremonies.

We separate marriage from family. A secular marriage is about European vacations with no kids. A Christian marriage is watching your child teach your grandchildren how to pray. A good church cannot replace a mother, father, son, daughter, husband, or wife. A good church can only minister grace and peace. Now, don’t get me wrong, grace and peace are powerful gifts. But grace can’t teach a young boy how to shave and peace can’t teach a little girl know what kind of man to marry. My job as a minster of grace and peace is to instruct you on how to bring the grace and peace into your life and the lives of your families.

Christ of the Covenants

Marriage is so hardwired into the world, that when Jesus saves the world, He turns that saved world into a bride (Rev 21:1-2). He is the new Adam, the church is the new Eve (Eph 5:23). This is our hope: Jesus takes a sinful world and makes a bride out of her. This means He can take sinful marriages and make Christian marriages out of them. Not only does this redemption apply to husbands and wives, but also to parents and children. God adopts sinners like you and me into His family. Through Christ, we now call God our father (Matt 6:9). God is saving this whole world (John 3:16), which means He saves the household of this world (Acts 2:39; 16:31). 

Solution

Be a family-friendly church. Worship together. Take an interest in the young families (Titus 2). Be ready to give good, biblical advice. Sydney and I received good advice when we got married. We also received horrible advice (like waiting to have kids). Encourage godliness, not selfishness. The church helps families. We don’t replace families.

Take your faith home. I’m grateful Carol teaches the kids bible verses on Wednesday night. But it’s not her responsibility. On the last judgment, Jesus isn’t going to interrogate Carol, Mary, or Eric on how they discipled your kids. He will interrogate you.

Why is there such apostacy right now as a culture? Where are all the people who got saved at the Billy Graham crusades? Where are their kids and grandkids? I’m afraid most Christian families only gave their kids enough of a faith to grow antibodies against it instead of affection for it.

The faith of your children is your responsibility to pass down (Eph 6:4). Actively teach and model your faith to them. Imitate God the Father to your children (Eph 5:1). Praise them when they obey you and discipline them when they don’t. Make your home a joyful home like God gives us joy. You will mess up. When you sin against them, confess it to them and ask for forgiveness. Live all of life for all of Christ!